When Anger Knocks
Late one evening a few weeks ago, I opened my front door to look for the moon and check on the weather outside. To my surprise, I discovered a package from Amazon sitting on my doormat. I hadn’t ordered anything, but my sisters have been sending unexpected gifts lately, so I assumed this box was from one of them. Since I was tired, I set the box on the bench inside my apartment to open in the morning.
Around 8:30 the next morning, while putting in my contact lenses, I was startled by a loud, persistent banging at my front door. This wasn’t the courtesy knock of a delivery person or maintenance worker from my apartment community. This person was clearly angry and wanted to get my attention. It worked!
My hands were full of saline solution and contact lenses, so I couldn’t get to the door right away, not that I was eager to given the intensity of the banging. While finishing the task at hand, I heard a man’s voice yelling something about a package along with a stream of curse words and expletives. That’s when my brain pieced together what had happened.
I surmised that the Amazon driver left a package for my new neighbors at the wrong door last night. This young couple only recently moved in, but I have heard them fighting and shouting at each other on more than one occasion. I was fairly certain they were the ones pounding on my door.
Once I was dressed, I looked at the package more closely. Sure enough, the address was one digit different than mine. I had brought in my neighbor’s Amazon purchase by mistake. “No big deal,” I thought to myself. I will simply bring the package to them and apologize for my error.
Suddenly, the vigorous pounding on my door began again, and I practically jumped out of my skin. Why so much rage around an understandable mistake? I grabbed the package, took a deep breath, and opened my door. Both of my new neighbors were standing there. The young man began shouting at me immediately as I handed him the package.
Before I had a chance to say anything, he angrily hurled a barrage of accusatory questions at me. Why would I take his package? Couldn’t I see it was not addressed to me? He claimed he had received packages for me in the past few weeks and he placed them at my door. Why couldn’t I do the same? What was wrong with me? As you might imagine, I am leaving out a number of words that were mixed in with these questions.
In the middle of his rant, I apologized. I admitted that I had made a mistake and said I would be much more careful in the future. I tried to explain that I had been receiving many unexpected packages lately, but he just continued yelling. As he walked away, I apologized one more time, and assured him it wouldn’t happen again. Meanwhile, his girlfriend just stood there looking embarrassed and bewildered. She thanked me for not opening their package before we both retreated to our respective apartments.
My heart was racing as I shut the door. What the heck just happened? I was in shock at the intensity of the encounter. Of course, I knew this young man’s anger was not really about a misplaced package. I do not know what has happened in his life, but my experience with Family Constellations has taught me that this anger didn’t start with him. I imagine he has been on the receiving end of intense rage and he’s most likely carrying a lot of pain. Not having the tools to move through or release this pain in a healthy way, it exploded at me.
A Course in Miracles teaches that every action can be broken down into two categories: an “expression of love” or a “call for love.” It goes on to say, when you see things this way, the appropriate response is always love. This young man was clearly calling for love, but that doesn’t mean I should knock on his door and ask to give him a hug! No. That would probably not be wise. However, from the safety of my own home, I can imagine him surrounded by love and light.
I wish I could tell you that’s what I did immediately. It has been many, many years since I’ve been on the receiving end of that kind of rage, and I was extremely shaken up. I felt unjustly attacked and extremely vulnerable. However, I also knew that seeing him as the villain and myself as the victim would only perpetuate that story and the conflict. So I laid down on my bed for a few minutes and asked Spirit for help to see him at peace and surrounded by love.
It felt forced at first, but I knew the sooner I tried the sooner I would feel better. I only had a few minutes to practice this before an early morning appointment that day. After the appointment, my walk along Sarasota Bay definitely helped bring me back to center. But I was a bit rattled for the rest of the day.
Since then, I have done my best to extend love and peace to that young man whenever he crosses my mind. That was a few weeks ago, and I have not seen either of my neighbors since then…until last night.
As I scurried down the stairs to the parking lot, I suddenly noticed a young man and a big white dog approaching from below. We made eye contact briefly, but I was so focused on getting to my car before the rain started, my mind didn’t register who it was. With no initial greeting or pleasantries, this young man launched into a quiet apology for overreacting about the package the other day. To say I was stunned would be an understatement!
Neither of us stopped walking, but as I passed him I said something like, “It’s ok. These things happen. Have a nice night.” He replied, “You too,” as he continued up the stairs with his dog. The whole exchange took less than 30 seconds. But in those 30 seconds, something shifted.
Any residual fear or resentment from the incident melted away and more compassion for my new neighbor filled my heart. All I can say is, the teachings of A Course in Miracles work! Never in a million years would I have guessed that I’d receive an apology from him, but I doubt it would have happened had I not done my part. I am beyond grateful for this shift from conflict to peace, a true miracle.
Are you in a challenging situation with a neighbor, co-worker, friend, or family member? It would be my great honor to help facilitate a miracle with a series of Spiritual Coaching Sessions or a private Family Constellations Session. Both can help you release fear and judgments, thus allowing peace to return. And thanks to technology, we can meet no matter where in the world you are. Send me an email or look around my website for more information. You can also book a session directly on my website with my automated scheduler. Give yourself the gift of peace. I look forward to working with you!
Forgiveness takes away what stands between your brother and yourself.
A Course in Miracles ~ T-26.VII.9:1