A Father's Day Miracle
We celebrated Father’s Day this past Sunday, so Happy Father’s Day to all the dads reading this and also to all those who play the role of dad. There are lots of ways to be a father figure to someone. Since my father passed when I was 7 years old, my mother, my older brother and sisters, and my mother’s longtime boyfriend did the best they could to fill that role for me. Honestly, I never felt like I was missing out by not having my dad around.
By the time I reached my 20s and 30s, I had lived way more of my life without him than with him, so I didn’t feel a strong connection to my dad. That changed one fateful Father’s Day in 2002. That was the year I started attending Sunday services at Unity on the Bay in Miami. The positive messages delivered by Rev. James Trapp combined with the fun and uplifting music created by the music team were opening my heart and mind even wider.
I showed up not as early as I wanted to on that third Sunday in June, not realizing it was Father's Day. Back then, if you didn’t arrive by at least 10:45 for the 11 AM service, it was standing room only. Gratefully, I found an empty seat in the center section of the very last row. The seat next to me was vacant too. To my surprise, it was still empty when the service started.
When Rev. Trapp wished everyone a Happy Father’s Day, it occurred to me that maybe that empty seat was for my dad. Now, I didn’t think his ghost would walk in and sit there, but I did think his presence might occupy that space. I dismissed that thought as silly, knowing from experience that the ushers would guide someone to that seat after the meditation.
I was wrong. That seat remained empty for the entire service. Well, it might have looked empty, but I absolutely felt my father’s loving presence sitting there with me the whole time. My eyes are tearing up a little bit now just thinking about it. It was profound.
From that day forward I have felt a connection with my dad like never before. I guess he had to wait all those years for my heart and mind to open to that possibility.
Ten years later, during my very first Family Constellation, I had another profound experience with my dad. Not only did it strengthen our connection, but it also helped me release a false belief I didn’t even know I was carrying. That’s the miracle of Family Constellations. Even though I only knew my dad in the physical world for a short time, I’m happy to say that I now feel his love and support behind me very strongly.
I’m aware that some of you reading this had a father with whom you did not feel safe or loved. And perhaps some of you never met your biological father. If that is the case, or if there was abuse of any kind, I understand it might be difficult, scary, or even abhorrent to imagine any connection with him.
Over the past twelve years, I have facilitated hundreds and hundreds of Family Constellations. In that time, I have seen what happens when clients are gradually able to accept love and support from their parents (no matter how challenging the relationships might have been.) It has healing ripple effects that extend far beyond what could be imagined. But only when it’s time.
Sometimes the analogy of a jet airplane is helpful. Closing your heart to one of your parents is like a jet flying with only one engine. It can still fly, but it will fly much less efficiently and for a shorter distance. With both engines operating, it can fly farther and more efficiently. The same is true for us when we have support from both parents and their ancestral lines.
Let me be clear. I’m not saying that you have to spend time with your parents in 3D. In some cases, it is not safe, healthy, or possible. One of my Constellations teachers used to say, “Sometimes the best way to love someone is from a distance.”
However, I do encourage you to find a connection that feels peaceful. At the beginning of every Family Constellations Session, we call in the support of the ancestors in an opening meditation. To be mindful of those who had difficult or abusive parents, I always say imagine “the highest version” of your mother or father standing behind you. You are safe with this version.
The highest version is the version that was never harmed by life’s hardships and challenges. This is their true self that only knows pure, unconditional love. This is the version that can stand behind you and send love, light, and support. When you’re ready, I invite you to open a window in your mind and heart to allow this unconditional love in. Then, like the jet with both engines running, you can soar to new heights.
If you could use some assistance in this endeavor, give yourself the gift of a group or private Family Constellations Session. What happens in these sessions is beyond description and powerfully liberating. After a session, participants report feeling lighter and more at peace than they have in a long time.
For more information or to schedule an appointment, please look around my website. I would be honored to help you open that window allowing you to live a happier, healthier, more peaceful life!
Until next time, know that your ancestors are cheering you on!
If you knew Who walks beside you on the way that you have chosen, fear would be impossible.
A Course in Miracles ~ T-18.III.3:2