Seeing with the Eyes of Love
Since we just celebrated Valentine’s Day, it felt appropriate to write about love, but not the kind of love most people think of on Valentine’s Day. This has very little to do with romance, flowers, or chocolate, although those actions would fall into one of the two categories I want to share.
A foundational principle from A Course in Miracles that has served me well is the discernment that every action or choice is either an expression of love or a call for love. And the appropriate response to either is love. When I meet a friend for lunch and they open their arms to greet me with a hug, that is obviously an expression of love. An appropriate response would be to hug them back, another expression of love. If someone sends you flowers or a greeting card today, an appropriate loving response would be to express gratitude.
But what is a call for love? That might happen when you run into a neighbor while walking your dog and the neighbor gives you a dirty look or complains about your dog. In that case, a hug is most likely not an appropriate response, but love still is! You don’t have to say anything, but you can send them love with your mind, or wish them a peaceful day. Later, you might imagine them surrounded by divine light.
I understand this may be the last thing you want to do in a situation like that, but I have learned that it is truly the most helpful thing to do. Some of you may recall my miracle story two years ago when my neighbor screamed at me for taking his package by mistake when the Amazon driver left it at my door. I assure you, in the moment, I was NOT sending him love! But later, when I calmed down, I imagined this troubled young man surrounded by light.
To my complete surprise, a few weeks later while passing each other on the stairwell, he apologized for his actions that day. I replied something like, “Thanks. It happens. Have a nice day.” And the conflict was done.
When someone is unkind or causing harm, they are clearly calling for love. They have forgotten that we are all connected, and by acting out, they are showing us how unhappy, unloved, and disconnected they feel.
Think about someone who really pushes your buttons. It could be a family member, co-worker, or someone in the news. Whoever you just thought of will do. Now imagine them surrounded by peaceful energy in a beautiful spot in nature, or simply having a great day. Your ego will resist such a practice, but your soul will thank you. And I promise, if you stay with it for a few days or weeks, YOU will feel better!
Energy and thoughts are like boomerangs. Whatever we send out will eventually return to us. The more I think unkind or unloving thoughts about someone else, the more I feel that energy. And the more I think kind and loving thoughts, the more I experience those feelings. It’s incredibly simple, but not always easy.
You might be thinking, “That’s nice, John, but there are some people and situations where love should be withheld, and sending hate and judgment is justified.” I will respectfully agree to disagree. That would be like trying to extinguish a wildfire with gasoline. If I want to extinguish a fire, I shower it with water or some other fire-retardant substance. If I want to de-escalate a situation, I shower it with peaceful, loving thoughts.
That doesn’t mean I never stand up for myself or others when people or groups are causing harm. It just means I will be much more effective if I first recognize it as a call for love, extend love with my mind, and then ask what love would do in this situation. From that peaceful place, I will be much better able to put out the fire rather than intensify it.
Decisions made from fear and anger rarely work out well for anyone. You don’t need to look very far to see evidence of this truth. When I look back on my life, I see many situations where I made things worse by listening to the voice for fear.
There is no shortage of calls for love in the world right now. I trust this idea from the Course will help you navigate these divisive times with more peace and grace. It takes practice, but it gets easier and the results are immediate.
If you would like some one-on-one coaching to address a specific issue that is challenging you, please visit my website for more information about my Spiritual Coaching Programs or a Private Family Constellations Session. With the insights you gain during our sessions, you can shift your perspective and experience more peace, love, and joy. I look forward to creating miracles with you! (Click here to listen to the beautiful song "May I?" from my beautiful friend, Karen Drucker. It captures the essence of this week's message.)
Only what you have not given can be lacking in any situation.
A Course in Miracles ~ T-17.VII.4:1