The Antidote to Overwhelm
Having just experienced two major hurricanes in the last few weeks, I know many of my fellow Floridians and neighbors in North Carolina are feeling overwhelmed by all that happened and all that needs to be done. A few years ago, I heard Brené Brown talk about the antidote to overwhelm in her Unlocking Uspodcast.
Brené describes overwhelm as “an extreme level of stress and emotional and/or cognitive intensity to the point of feeling unable to function.” I don’t know about you, but I have certainly felt that way! She went on to say when we feel overwhelmed, we tell our body, “Things are happening too fast, we can’t handle them. Shut down. Shut down.”
Her antidote may surprise you. If we are truly feeling overwhelmed, Brené says the best course of action is no action. This doesn’t mean ignore the feeling, keep going, and don’t do anything differently. It means stop what you are doing and shut it all down.
In the podcast, Brené shared a story from her younger days when she was a server in a busy Houston restaurant. The servers had a code word if any of them reached “overwhelm.” When she spoke that word, the other servers knew to take care of her tables for a few minutes while she stepped outside to get some fresh air or into the cooler to literally cool down. What a brilliant way for the servers to take care of each other, and an interesting foreshadowing of her later research.
Since then, Brené has observed that removing ourselves from the situation that caused the overwhelm is the most effective way to reset our nervous system. In that podcast, she also made the important distinction between feeling stressed and being overwhelmed. Stress can be managed by slowing down or doing less. Overwhelm is an extreme version of stress that requires shutting down.
Not only have I found myself talking a lot about this with my friends after the hurricanes, but it’s also come up a lot with my coaching clients. Many of them have recently crossed the threshold from stressed to overwhelmed.
I experienced a bit of this myself as I was preparing to evacuate last week. My mind started churning with all the tasks I had to do before I left. Water the plants. Move furniture away from windows. Put books and important documents on table tops.
At the same time, I was thinking of all the things I needed to pack. Warm clothes. Toiletries. Electronic devices and accessories to do my job. My ego was telling me I needed to do all of this quickly and get on the road as soon as possible. When I realized I was reaching the point of overwhelm, I remembered Brené’s story at the restaurant. And I stopped. I sat in a chair for a few minutes and prayed until I came back to center.
It may seem counter-intuitive to stop everything when there is so much that needs attention. The logical mind will actively resist it. However, as I experienced last week, it’s actually the most productive and self-loving choice we can make.
When I returned to my preparations, I only allowed myself to think of the activity in which I was currently engaged. I told myself, “Right now, the only thing you have to do is brush your teeth.” When I finished that, “The only thing you have to do is finish packing toiletries.” Once that was done, “Now the only thing you need to do is water the plants.” The ego kept trying to rev me up and scatter my thoughts, but saying those words to myself kept me present and focused on the task at hand. Eventually, they were all done!
So the next time you feel you’ve reached the point of overwhelm, find a way to shut it all down, even for just 30 seconds. If you’re home, step out your front door, take a breath, and look at the sky, a tree, or the moon. If you’re at work, step into the restroom or close your eyes at your desk for a moment. I think you will be amazed by this simple and effective antidote to overwhelm.
Until next time, may you find creative ways to allow more spaciousness in your daily life.
When the light comes at last into the mind given to contemplation; or when the goal is finally achieved by anyone, it always comes with just one happy realization; “I need do nothing.”
A Course in Miracles ~ T-18.VII.5:7