Choose Discomfort Over Resentment Brownies

“Choose discomfort over resentment.” I recently heard bestselling author, Brené Brown, share this advice in a podcast. When confronted with an unpleasant situation or choice, she reminds herself to choose discomfort for a few moments rather than make a decision that will produce lingering resentments. She used the example of being asked to prepare baked goods for her children’s school fundraiser. Knowing she truly did not have time to bake a batch of brownies before Saturday, she had a choice to make. She could respectfully decline the request and risk the discomfort of knowing the teacher might judge her to be a snob or a bad mother. Or she could begrudgingly say “yes” and bake the brownies, adding as much resentment as cocoa powder to the batter. Later, when delivering those resentment-filled brownies to the teacher, she might not be able to stop herself from uttering, “Here’s your damn brownies! I hope you choke on one!”

I think she added that last comment to be funny for the podcast, but the point was made. If we say yes to something we can not or do not wish to do, we might very well be thinking those words even if we don’t say them. She offered that a better answer might be, “You know. I’m really swamped right now. I won’t have time to bake anything before Saturday. Can you ask me again next time?” That left an opening for the possibility of a future commitment without her saying yes to something that she would regret (and resent) later.

There are opportunities to choose discomfort over resentment every day. Sometimes they are minor situations like asking people to take their shoes off before entering your home. (I’m getting better at that one.) Sometimes they require risking more discomfort, like letting a friend, partner, or family member know how much something they said or did hurt your feelings.

I remember an incident with a former partner where I reluctantly chose discomfort over resentment. After listening to him share his frustrations about a work situation for several minutes during dinner, I began sharing a frustrating situation I was dealing with as we cleared the table. As I was talking, he began fiddling with his new AirPods that had arrived earlier that day. I could tell he was no longer listening to me and totally focused on syncing them to his iPhone. I felt hurt and unimportant. 

I stopped talking and walked away for a few minutes to let the sting subside. When I calmed down, I asked myself if I wanted to stay mad and silent or let him know how I felt. I chose the latter. When he heard me share what I experienced, he admitted that he had checked out of our conversation and apologized profusely. Although it was an uncomfortable confrontation, my choice to communicate how I felt diffused the situation before it became a very chilly evening of unspoken resentment. For a happier more peaceful life, I highly recommend adopting this mantra for yourself. Choose discomfort over resentment.

If you could use some assistance identifying situations where you can make a different choice, I would be honored to walk you through them with a series of Spiritual Coaching Sessions or a private Family Constellations Session. Both can help you uncover more choices than you currently see. Look around my website or send me an email to book a session or to ask a question.

Discomfort is aroused only to bring the need for correction into awareness. 

A Course in Miracles ~ T-2.V.7:8